I’m so sad I’m so sad and mad that things are such a mess and are ending this way , I don’t no what to do, when I look back all the things we’ve been through there was good but there were also the not good one, he put me through so much he thinks he didn’t but he did and it’s not like he didn’t no it he knew he knew it all along but never bothered he always told me something and his actions showed the opposite , and I’ve told him long ago way long ago that one day , he get everything he wants in his life but I will not be there and when I say long ago it was long ago. Ok he wasn’t the type who hangs out with friends, drink smoke I mean it’s gone to drink once a while maybe smoke for short time but it’s better not at all or you think he goes
Put with his friends and leaves me never he never did that , only
Family no one else even texting on his phone till this day he never does, if I’m with him he gives me his phone to check the msges and replay to his friends or who ever text but of course I would sit beside him and he would ask me to type or what ever I think it was right to replay back to the msges and I would maybe these were the things that made me
Stay with him but it was not
Enough I was dying from inside his attitude, the way he dealt with things , the things he would say I couldn’t stand sometimes I would be at parties and would say the most unexpected things
And hurt me badly , I would feel sad maybe even if I could cry I would but u no what no I don’t let him ruin my night I would face him and continue the night and the funny thing is no matter what he did and pissed me off or broke my heart into pieces anywhere I was I was still me never changed who It didn’t matter what happened it did but I still would get up held my head high and continue and no matter what others tryed or say or what to confront me it’s not like I was the prettiest or what ever there is prettier nicer or what ever but I don’t no , but I never changed not because of him or I love him I didn’t because he wasn’t good to me he was heartless???i didn’t see love I didn’t felt it I was living for a long time in this road very dark and empty from inside. What is life with out love???? Live a day with the person you truly love than live a life time with someone who’s heartless and careless, and what pisses me off he would apologize and always tell me how much I mean to him and would bring me roses Haa roses as much as I love them from his they meant nothing when he would bring them I would be like mm nice thank u so much they are beautiful But what’s the point are u fucking kidding me who are we kidding at this whole fucking things are building day after day with fake??? What the pony like he puts u through all that and what is left for the night part or before that??? He would always try and thought the whole relationship is revolved about that part and that couples relationship gets better and what gets couple close to each other is that part , he was fucking wrong there is more to that more than that there is more , there is love there is feelings more so thing more than that something more powerful than fucking sex whata fuck Fuck that I don’t want that fucking shittt,there was time I didn’t want anything I didn’t i didn’t care and I don’t want because what’s the point ur with someone who puts you through all that and then when it comes for that part like everything’s is fucking perfect where are the feelings and respect, if you don’t love and show respect for that person , I mean respect as respect each other’s journey that God put together , and keep our word in front of church and everyone I did my part he didn’t he , so tell me is it suppose to keep going No no no , I don’t want anything I don’t want nothing not from him or anyone he showed me what life and love exactly it was fuck that fuck everything I would rather die Than to live a fake life because tell me what’s the point , I wanna go somewhere somewhere where I can scream so loud and probably cry out loud to get this pain out of my chest and heart it’s been long time I’ve carried it for a long time now but it’s time for everything to go it’s maybe the time for me to heal???? :,( maybe a little and I swear it’s not like I couldn’t leave this guy maybe I could have been from long time and I wanted but every time something’s and things came up and it’s like I stayed Rania knows on my old tumbler what I wrote she probably never knew like she knew but not to that point and I was leaving I swear to god I was leaving him and I talked to Rania about it cuz she was the only person I talked about that part cuz she saw it on tumbler like the family knew there was problems but what that day I felt and wrote she knew I forgot when it was Rania said it was it feb or before that or more I don’t cuz I after that I went back and delete it was my first time I open up about something on tumbler, like Rania as soon as she saw it she messaged me and she couldn’t believe it that I was going through that and she told me to change this and leave because she knew I wasn’t happy from what I wrote and felt and I swear I was gonna because I reached to a point that I was like that’s it everything is done everything’s is over I can’t live this way I can’t live this life i would rather die than to live with someone who makes u feel like dying day by day , he thinks he Disney but the way he staged things day by day year by year it changed me slowly and inside me I was dead but one thing I never changed who I was I was still the strong person I been and actually that journey made me stronger and know what it is like to stand alone and survive. I was still the pretty girl they call and my am I mean for me writing on tumbler that day it never changed cuz it can’t god gave me that I couldn’t changed it no matter what but the person they used to see from outside I was exactly from inside too as we’ll before but I’m not like that , it changed my heart . My heart got broken and to them it was like nothing like they think all that stuff won’t break a person , as much as I handled and stayed up , it didn’t break me from inside , it did , sometimes I wondered if I can keep going or even alive but I swear again somethings came up and I end up staying and omg what ever we talked it went back and back something’s will not change and before that I felt that as we’ll , omg I can’t there is many things and feelings I wanna write but …. No neways maybe next time .